Making allowances for baby, or unrealistic expectations?

During our recent acquaintance with the 9 month sleep regression, we were very careful that when Isabelle was asleep in the evenings, we were nice and quiet to ensure she wasn't woken. We were much more careful than normal, closing the living room door, and generally treading nice and quietly as we moved around the house.


Simon said to me as we climbed in to bed, victorious in her silence, "I never thought we'd be the sort of parents who creep around the house so we don't wake the baby".

In part, I agree with him. We can't change our whole lifestyle just because Isabelle is asleep. We can't sit in silence all night,  not flush the toilet, tell people never to phone or knock the door, and never turn the hall light on. Those things are part of everyday life and, luckily, she has never had an issue sleeping through them as they are simply things that have to be dealt with.

But, then I thought a little more. If Simon were to go to bed early, I would make allowances for him. I would turn the TV down, and move quietly in the bedroom when I went up to bed. I wouldn't turn on a light that would wake him, or talk loudly nearby. So, does Isabelle not deserve the same respect? Why should we expect her to sleep through things we wouldn't? Just because she's a baby and we think she should?

Then, that made me think even more - you can see my mind is a dangerous business! Do we have unrealistic expectations of what a baby should do? So, should we make some allowances for them because our expectations are skewed? For example, I do not go to bed and sleep all night without waking- I never have done. So why would I expect Isabelle to do that? Sometimes during the night I wake up thirsty and need a drink - so why wouldn't Isabelle? There are some days I am grumpy for no real reason...so why do I think Isabelle should be in a good mood unless she's hungry/tired? Can't she just be in a bad mood for no reason?

Maybe we have unrealistic expectations of our little people. Maybe we expect them to be the perfect baby, but are we the perfect adult? So, maybe we should be making some allowances where our little people are concerned - remembering that they are only human, and although are only little, they deserve all the respect we show to one another as adults.

PS - Izzy's beautiful name sign was made by Handmade by Her - a lovely mummy with bucket loads of talent, and two gorgeous babies to boot!

PPS- don't forget to enter my competition to win a baby carrier! 

Surviving a sleep regression

Until recently, I didn't really think sleep regressions were a real thing. I do now...

One Monday evening I put Izzy to bed as always. An hour or so later, she grizzled and Simon went to settle her. 45 minutes later, same again. And then again. Gosh, we thought, this isn't going to be a good night. At 11 o'clock after the 4th time settling her, I decided I couldn't do that all night so brought her into bed with me for the night. She slept soundly for the rest of the night, and we thought we were in the clear. Until the same thing happened again the next night...except it was accompanied by an hour of screaming. Nothing we did could settle her so...in to bed she came. And then the next night the screaming went to for even longer until she was brought into bed.

Three bad nights in a row? That's tough. The next two nights she slept in her cot, but woke every 2 hours or so and took a long while to settle. Then back to screaming and into our bed. Things came to a head on the 7th night when she woke at 11pm and screamed for two hours straight and NOTHING worked - including bringing her in to bed. Simon and I were tired, she was exhausted, and we were all frustrated.

So, what on earth was the cause? Welcome the '9 Month Sleep Regression'. I had heard of the 4 month sleep regression, which we had no issues with, but never one at 9 months, so it caught us off guard and knocked the wind from our sails. After some hasty Googling, we found out that we were not the only people to have their baby SCREAM at them for no apparent reason, and with no way to settle them. These other people had also experienced the 9 month sleep regression, and there was a general consensus on the cause. Imagine you have a big meeting tomorrow, and you have practised and practised what you need to say. It's likely you'll go to bed, have it all spinning round in your head, and have trouble falling asleep. Well, that's the same with Isabelle. Except, she doesn't have a big meeting, she just has LIFE.

Simon and I have said a lot in the last month just how much she is changing, and how much she has learnt to do lately. Every day, she seems to be doing more, and be doing things BETTER than before. She is stronger, understands more, can move better - she just has so much going on! So it's no wonder that when she goes to bed at night she has a little trouble switching off. The problem seems to be that she isn't getting in to a deep enough sleep, so she wakes more. And that is frustrating - I hate waking up during the night, so I understand why she gets cross. As Lauren from Mrs Hippo and Me said to me once "You can lie and stare at the ceiling, but they can't, so they cry". It makes so much sense. Isabelle's brain is churning with 'stuff', she isn't sleeping deeply so she wakes, gets mad about it, and cries.

Luckily, after that awful Sunday night things improved and, although she isn't quite back to normal yet, she is sleeping much better once more. So, what are our top tips for surviving a sleep regression?

1// Understand what's happening - once you know why your baby is waking more often, I think it makes it easier to deal with. It definitely made me more sympathetic. Rather than getting cross that she was sleeping so badly, and screaming so much, I felt bad for her that she couldn't sleep when she wanted to.

2// Put a plan in place - when you figure out it's a regression you are in and not just a few bad nights, figure out a plan that helps everyone get some sleep. Ours was: soothe her back to sleep until 11/11.30pm (when she would wake screaming) then I would feed her. Simon was in charge from then until 2.30am, and I took over after that. Once we had that in place, everyone got some sleep, the screaming stopped and things started to get better.

3// Be consistent - I've read a lot that you can neither 'sleep train' or 'sleep untrain' during a regression. Basically, it's not the time to try and get your baby into a new routine but, similarly, you can't really break the one you had before. Despite that, I still think it's important to be consistent with what you do. The first 6 nights we were all over the place so it's no wonder Isabelle cried - she was confused about what on earth was going to happen next! Once we were more consistent, she seemed much happier.

4// Don't do anything that you wouldn't normally do - even though you supposedly cannot create new habits during a regression, don't do anything you wouldn't normally do, just in case! So if you do NOT want your little sleeping in your bed full time, don't let them during the regression. If you wouldn't normally let them cry it out, don't do it now.

5// Do whatever it takes to help them out - as long as it complies with #2 and #3, do whatever it takes to soothe your baby and help them get more sleep. I sat in the nursery for 30 minutes after she fell asleep every time she woke, just because I knew she was only sleeping lightly and it was comforting for her to know I was still there. I didn't get much sleep those nights...

6// Have patience - I know it feels like it will never end...but it will.

7// Invest in a blanket and a onesie - sitting in Isabelle's room, cradling her in the rocking chair to help her fall back in to a deep sleep at 3am is chilly. My onesie was invaluable.

Now, maybe your baby won't hit the 9 month sleep regression; if not, you are so lucky! It is apparently the worst regression, so I am unbelievably thankful that it's (almost) over. It was tough, without doubt the toughest 8 nights we've ever had with Isabelle, but we survived! There were tears and screaming along the way, and not just from Isabelle, but the only lasting damage are the mental scars which Simon and I now bear!

Has your baby suffered from a sleep regression? Any top tips to get through it?

Two steps forward, one step back...

I'm sure other parents will know what I mean - sometimes it feels like you are getting so far with something, then all of a sudden a hiccup along the way seems to set you back somewhat.

I mentioned earlier this week that Isabelle was moving into her own room. This managed to combine with a week where she hasn't much been in the mood for self soothing and sleeping long stretches - unfortunate timing hey? (It did start the night before she moved, so I know the move wasn't the issue).

She has been getting somewhat back to normal again, but now likes me to sit in the rocking chair while she soothes herself to sleep. This feels like a bit of a step back, as she had been happy to be left in her cot at night to go to sleep no problems, and it had been bothering me that all of what we had achieved was now for nothing.

But, I know this will pass in a few days, and then she will be self soothing in her own room. For now, she just needs a little extra help to get used to her new surroundings. So we've just had to take a little step backwards in order to help us move forwards. When I think about it that way, it doesn't seem so bad at all.

Keeping your baby safer for longer in the car

Ever wondered why baby seats face rear-wards in a car, and seats for older babies and toddlers face forward? Until I started researching when pregnant, I had no idea that there was a whole group of car seats which are for older babies and toddlers which are also rear facing. But...why would anyone want their toddler facing backwards in the car? What is the point of it?

It all comes down to one word: safety. Rear facing cars seats are proven to be safer for children in the event of a collision.

Here are 2 videos I saw which can help explain why:

If you don't have time to watch the videos the brief idea is this - in a collision people are most likely to be thrown forwards. In a normal car seat, this throws a child forward into the straps, with nothing to support their head, which can cause serious injury. In a rear facing car seat, the child's whole body (including head and neck) are forced into the cushioned car seat and are much better protected. That's why the law says that SMALL babies must be rear facing in a car - and why the law is changing to increase the height (rather than weight or age) limit at which children can be turned forward facing.

Now, a lot of people say "Oh (s)he loves facing forwards so they can see where they are going!" and, in fact, someone said to me recently "Just wait until you put her in the next seat up - she will love being able to see forwards". I didn't have the heart to tell them that putting her in the next seat up and having her face forwards is not something I am looking forward to at all.

Because, even though I know keeping her rear facing for longer is safest, the erf seats are so very expensive that it may not be a viable option for us. I know there is really no way I can put a price on Isabelle's safety, but for many families across the UK, these seats are just sadly too expensive. Maxi-Cosi have just launched a new erf car seat - which is great as there are so few on the market - but it's expense is even greater as an isofix is needed to use it. So many 'normal' car seats are available for very little, and can last your child from under 1 until they no longer need a car seat.Another issue is car size - erf seats are much bulkier than other car seats, and may not fit in smaller family cars - especially if you have more than one child.

For now, I will keep Isabelle in her 'baby' car seat until she has completely outgrown it, so I can keep her rear facing for as long as possible. The most important thing is to have a car seat which is correctly fitted, and suitable for her weight and height. So, whichever seat we choose next will be carefully researched to make sure it is 100% the best choice for our situation.

If you want to find out more info about rear facing your little for longer, check out:

i-Size
Rear Facing - the way forward

Had you heard of rear facing older children? Is it something you've considered, or something you do? Or do you think there is no real need for it?

Clingy Mummy Alert!

Today, 2 days shy of her 9 month 'birthday', Miss Isabelle has moved into her own bedroom for the first time. To be honest, if Simon hadn't moved the cot this morning (by himself, while Isabelle and I staged a sit in protest) I would happily have let her stay a bit longer. Say until she was 10?! We had set two dates before when she would go - at 8 months old, then New Year's Day - but she never quite made it out of our room.

I know some people will be reading this and thinking I am mad for keeping her in there so long. That said, I also know lots of lovely mummies who still have their little in their room too - which has always made me feel better about keeping her in with us for so long. Honestly, I always assumed that when we hit that 6 month mark, she'd be out of there and I'd be glad to see the back of her - but she stayed. I had told Simon she needed to be moved first thing in the morning, so she had her nap in her room too, and he set today as the final date as he was off work, and could move the furniture this morning.

Morning nap in her own room

I know some people think I am clingy, and I think they are probably right. I was counting today on my way home from the hairdresser and, in 9 months, I have left Isabelle with someone other than Simon fewer than 5 times, and I have left her with Simon fewer than 10 times. The longest time I have left her is 5 hours, and she was asleep for most of that.

I never thought I would be so clingy at all, and always slightly mocked parents who never let their kids out of their sight. I always said "Oh when she is sleeping well I'll ship her off for the night to my parents", and assumed I'd have no issue in going out during the day or in the evenings. However, every time I leave her, or even think about leaving her with someone, I can't help but think "What if she needs me and I'm not there?"

She sleeps face down - thank heavens for movement monitors...

I KNOW that it's silly. Simon, my mum and dad, my brother and sister, and my sister-in-law are all perfectly capable of taking care of Isabelle for a few hours, and I trust them all without question. But yet, I can't help that worry that Isabelle will get upset, and I cannot stand the thought of tears rolling down her cheek and me not being there to comfort her.

As per my New Year's resolution, however, I am working to change that. Isabelle stayed with my mum for a few hours at the weekend, and today with Simon while I got my hair chopped (I can tick that off the to do list). And tonight, she is sleeping in her own room. Yes, I am worried she will be lonely, even though she's asleep, and no, I am not looking forward to having to walk all the way to the next room to feed her when she wakes. I will miss hearing her shuffle round in her sleep, and miss the reassuring sound of her little breaths when I wake up to check she is OK. Just the thought is making me well up, and making me want to go and climb into her cot with her.

But she's in her room, and after tonight I'm sure I'll wonder why I was being such a silly mummy in the first place...

Is anyone else willing to admit they are a clingy mummy?!

Super cool mummy I am not...

So, I am sitting on a Saturday night, in my Christmas themed pyjama bottoms, watching the Boyzone programme I recorded last night and chowing down on some peanut butter and apple. How rock 'n' roll...

Somewhere along the line, I have turned into a super uncool mummy. If Isabelle were a teenager and I were doing this, she would no doubt be telling me exactly how uncool I am, listening to music that's 20 years old! If only she knew now that the last music I bought was Taylor Swift's last album....

I don't think I'll ever win any prizes in her eyes, or any one else's, for being a cool mummy. In fact, I don't think I would ever win any prizes for being cool at all! But hopefully, I won't be too much of an embarrassment to her either!

Hopefully, Simon will be an uncool dad and we can have some fun embarrassing her for our own amusement when she is in her teens!

(PS, did anyone else watch Boyzone? Love those guys!)

When mummy gets lazy...

I'll admit it - I am lazy. I have always been generally quite lazy, and I am a pretty lazy mummy too! I try to make life as easy and simple as possible - who doesn't? - but I've realised this week that my laziness may be having a negative impact on Miss Isabelle.

Everybody likes a good lie in, but babies are not well renowned for it. However, over the last few months I have been able to 'boast' a lie in (rising at 8.30am at the earliest) everyday. Not because Isabelle is so conked out on her own, but because I like to snuggle down in the morning for an extra while, and have used Isabelle's Kryptonite - boobs - to keep her compliant. This means we get up late and start the day late, and because we are out so often, we end up rushing around, so Isabelle's naps and meals are squeezed in whenever they fit, and naps are mostly on the go in the car.

My laziness also means that we have fallen into the bad habit of nursing her to sleep for naps and bedtime, simply because it's easier for me, and she is willing to do it too.

Ok, so neither of those things sound unbelievably horrific, but this week I realised that my laziness in those matters means that Isabelle's routine is not quite what it should be, and I am affecting her ability to self settle.

So we've had a bit of a shake up in the Jay household this week. No longer will you find me lounging in bed until 9am, no, the ungodly hours of 7am and 7.30am are my new wake up time. This means that we are able to get up, have breakfast together, and Isabelle can have at least one quality nap in the morning, uninterrupted in her cot. This is something she had been doing for a long time when she was smaller, but our increasingly hectic social life (!) meant it got somewhat shoved aside, as getting up later meant we didn't have time for this nap before heading out for the day.

I've also decided to take some time out, and that Isabelle and I will spend more time at home, rather than always out and about.

I'm hoping that these little chances will be for the better for little miss. Already I have been pleased to find that while she is having her reclaimed morning nap, I can get a few bits and bobs done around the house - and since she decided her morning nap would be an hour and 15mins today (unheard of - she only ever naps for 30 minutes!) I got so much done I didn't know what to do with all my free time!

And lastly, moving away from using boobs as the only way to put Isabelle to sleep. Of course this one is more tough, but I am very pleased to report that for three whole days she has not fallen asleep on the boob during the day once. Small steps with this one to pull her out of the bad habit her lazy mummy let us get into!

Small changes, but hopefully ones which will bring Isabelle's routine up to where it should be. Rather than having a lazy mummy hold her back for her own benefit....

5 things being a parent has taught me

Everybody always says that parenthood is a learning curve, and it really is, in more ways than one. Here are 5 important things I've learnt in the last 5 and a half (almost 6!) months.

1// There is nothing I need that cannot wait:
a drink, food, sleep, a pee...it can all wait. And sometimes I have waited for hours for one (or all!) of those things when I get caught up tending to Isabelle instead.

2// Baby 'stuff' doesn't have to take over your life:
I read everywhere how much 'stuff' babies have, and how it will quickly invade your home and be everywhere. Well, yes, we have quite a lot of stuff for Isabelle, and I know that amount will only continue to grow. But for now, it hasn't taken over our house, and I don't plan on that changing any time soon! All her things have their place, and there they shall stay. Plus, luckily, if have enable to ship all the little baby stuff back to Helen!

3// A baby smile can fix all:
even if we have had a rough night, or an extreme screaming fit during the day, when that little cherub looks at us and smiles, that's it. None of the other crappy bits matter - all that matters is that little angel and her beautiful smile. It's a scary hold she has on us!

This smile.

4// You don't HAVE to compromise on your ideals:
"Oh, you'll soon change your tune when the baby arrives." If I heard that once before Isabelle arrived, I heard it a million times. Things like using a dummy, having her in our room until 6 months, not weaning onto solids until 6 months, not letting her watch TV - all of these I was told I would soon 'change my tune' about. Well, I'm here to say that we didn't. No, it isn't always easy to stick to your ideals, especially if there is an "easier" way to do something- but we have stuck to our guns, and we haven't compromised on any of the major decisions we made before her arrival.
(Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things I mentioned - they just aren't for us)
No doubt we'll now get a whole pile of "Oh just wait until she's bigger..." Obviously we don't plan on never letting her watch TV, or keeping her in our room forever, our ideals for the future are different than for these months, but I know we can stick to what we think is best for her in the future too.

5// You'll find out where all the creaky floorboards are:
and you'll know how to hop around them to avoid making too much noise during the night!

What parenting ideals did you feel you had to compromise on? Or which did you make sure you stuck to?

Two Days of Two under Two

You may have read my post last week about looking after my nephew as he began his potty training. Well, as I mentioned, after looking after him one day that week, last week, I was charged with looking after Jacob for two days (so I must have done an OK job the first time round!). And so life with 2 under 2 began... (Technically, Jacob is 2 and a quarter, so two under two isn't quite right, but it's not far wrong!)

On Thursday, Jacob arrived at 8am at my house, not long after Isabelle and I had gotten up. Luckily, as I mentioned last week, Jacob is a very good boy, and he and Isabelle seem to amuse one another pretty well. Unfortunately, this day, Jacob was not in his finest form. Since he is half made up of genes from my family, this is NOT a good thing! A moody Gray is not something to be reckoned with - and a moody toddler Gray is even worse! To add insult to injury, the weather was not great, which meant we couldn't do much outside as we almost got blown away when we tried.

That said, the day didn't go too badly overall. In the morning, Jacob helped me get Isabelle washed and dressed, and helped me change her nappy - getting in lots of practise for when his new sibling arrives in just a few weeks! He loved using the wipes to help me 'clean' Isabelle's bottom, and was convinced he could see poo everywhere, so spent more time dabbing at her feet than anything! They had lots of cuddles throughout the day, and other than that, Jacob spent some time reading through a toy magazine (coveting the 'Scooby Dooby Doo' toys).

Before lunchtime, I decided to relocate to my parents' house for a change of scenery for us all, and unbelievably BOTH babies fell asleep in the car on the way there. This meant I managed to get a nice quiet cup of tea in, before Miss Isabelle was awake again. Jacob slept for an hour and a half (almost a miracle in his case!) and the only massive mishap of the day accompanied this. Since it's only a 7 minutes journey from my house to my parents, I didn't put any pull ups on him. So he was in pants. Imagine how soaked the poor boy was when he woke up from that nap! And imagine his car seat...!

At lunchtime, I became more glad than ever to be a baby wearer, as Isabelle decided Jacob's lunchtime was her nap time, so in an attempt to manhandle two grumpy bums, I had her in her wrap (asleep soundly) and him at the table munching on toast and Bob the Builder spaghetti. This was followed by him demanding I push him up and down the driveway in his buggy - which would have been impossible if I didn't have Isabelle snugly wrapped on my front, giving me both hands free.

Some more cuddles later, and a bit of shouting which upset Jacob so much that it was the first thing he told his mummy on her return home, and the day was over without any MAJOR incidents.

So, despite Jacob's bad mood, and the awful weather, we all survived. I was glad that Simon had the next day off to help out though, especially as Uncle Simon is considered much more fun and interesting than strict auntie Sawah! While Izzy and I went to Baby Sensory, the boys went blackberry picking, before we all had lunch and took the dogs for a walk.

Here's my favourite picture from the two days - it captures the love these two little cousins already have for each other, and the fondness they can show one another when the mood strikes them both. And it makes me sure than when he becomes a big brother, Master Jacob will do the most marvellous job.

My dip into potty training

Not with Isabelle I must quickly add!

My sister in law works 3 days a week, so on Friday, Jacob usually spends the day with his beloved "Gandad" (his R still eludes him). However, 'Gandad' and 'Ganny' are currently on holiday so, last week, care of Jacob fell to (his much less beloved) auntie 'Sawah'. This is fine, as a few weeks ago I had him for half a day and, as Jacob is such a good boy and Isabelle is fascinated by him , it is no trouble at all to look after him. In fact, it's a joy to get to spend such quality time with my favourite little man. However, on Tuesday I received the news that Jacob had requested no more nappies, and was now officially moving on to potty training. Helen asked if that was OK with me, as I also have him two days this week. Of course, the last thing in the world I want to do is hold Jacob back, so I said yes, absolutely no problem! I have worked with lots of toddlers in the past, but the closest I've gotten to potty training is a few weeks after it's been started, when everything is pretty set in its way, and littles just need lots of reminders and trips to the bathroom. I've never yet had a hand in the actual early training of a little, so I was a little worried that I may have bitten off more than I could chew!

Jacob showing his cousinly love when Izzy was little(r)

Jacob arrived at 8am complete with at least 10 spare pairs of pants, lots of spare trousers, his potty, and his Smarties (One Smartie for each wee in the toilet or potty). I must say, he was a STAR throughout and has done a wonderful job of cracking this potty business. If only the same could be said for his totally incompetent auntie Sawah!

The first pee was a teeny accident, then he told me he still needed to go, so onto the potty, Smartie doled out. Yes, a quick change of pants and trousers were needed, but I was quite confident that we would get on OK after a pretty good start.

I pestered him non-stop asking did he need to wee, and he told me no, no, no until eventually, yes, he said he did. Unfortunately, I was feeding Isabelle at the time, so I only had one free hand to help him onto the potty...this didn't go well. I somehow misjudged his position, which I very quickly realised as his pee spread out round the potty! Not only that, but my poor positioning meant the poor pet had managed to get it all over his trousers, pants and his socks! Very much not his fault, so a Smartie for him, and his socks, pants and trousers off. I decided trousers were too much hassle, so just new pants went on. I apologised to him for my poor technique, and he agreed with me that I needed to "try my best".

Next time, having learnt my lesson, I was careful to lift him with both hands onto the potty. Despite a story of this happening to his Grandpa the day before, I forgot to hold his "firehouse" pointing downwards cue a spray of pee all over my knee, and his pants, before I came to my senses and pointed it downwards.  Pants off, and I decided these were also too much hassle, so after he received his Smartie, he had a great time opening my mail, and jumping on the bubble wrap from a parcel in just his top and vest.

All this toilet talk made me realise I needed to go, so Isabelle went into her bouncer, nakey boy was on the bubble wrap and I nipped off for a wee. On my return, Jacob was crouched beside his potty, looking sheepish and a little worried, standing in a huge puddle. I asked him if he had weed and he said yes, and he needed a towel. It was so clear that in my absence he had tried to get on to the potty on his own (and failed miserably), that he got his Smartie, and I got a telling off for not being there to help him! He had managed to soak his tops this time, so for a short while he was totally naked. It did take a towel to mop up his pee from the floor and my poor rug, and another discussion about how he was doing great, but I needed to "do my best" ensued, and he promised that if I managed to help him get all of one wee in the toilet or potty then I could have a Smartie too!

And that was all by 11.30am...

The terrible two...

Luckily, the afternoon went much more smoothly. We went to meet Simon for lunch so he wore some pull ups for the car journey, and we had a great time. You'll be very happy to hear I finally earned my Smartie after lunch, and not a single drop was spilt anywhere it shouldn't have been. Two successful wees later, and he was shipped off home with his mummy, who I think was secretly relieved to get him away from my total incompetence!

At the end of this week I have Jacob on Thursday and Friday, and am hoping that my skills have improved and, if only for the sake of my rug, I am able to help Jacob move one step closer to being totally potty trained. And hopefully by the time Isabelle's turn comes, I'll be quite competent in the whole endeavour!

Stay tuned next week to find out how I get on with days 2 and 3 of my adventures with 2...

How did you find potty training your little one? Anyone as totally useless as I am?!

To Cry It Out or not to Cry It Out?

A friend brought this article to my attention last night on Facebook, with a warning that it was rubbish advice and new mums should avoid it like the plague. I was intrigued, as the little blurb said something about training your baby, and I always find the idea of 'training' a baby an interesting one, since it seems to be THEM training us, and letting us mistakenly believe it's the other way round!

At first, I read through points 1 and 2, and started to think that maybe my friend and I had very different views on things. Start a regular routine - well we let Isabelle do that and we followed it. Be consistent (check), keep night and day separate (check) and find out what soothes your baby (check). So I was a bit worried she was at home thinking parents like Simon and I are awful. Then I read the next points.

Source

At it's heart, this is an article encouraging people to let their baby cry it out (CIO), or to use controlled crying (CC) to 'train' their baby to sleep, with the end goal of the parents getting a good night's sleep. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure what the difference between CIO and CC is, even after a quick Google, but they both seem to rely on roughly the same idea. Please feel free to correct me in the comments if I have the wrong end of the stick. You put your baby to bed awake, and let them cry, BUT you continue to go in at set intervals to ensure your baby is OK, and reassure them that you still exist. Gradually, the time between visits increases, and your baby realises that you are still there, and learns to self soothe. Not only that, but they learn to sleep through the night (STTN), or at the least, resettle themselves should they wake. The article linked above states that after 3-4 months, a baby is physically capable of making it through the night without food and, indeed, I know many babies who STTN much earlier than that.

So, while I understand the premise of CIO/CC, and I know some parents are at their wits end with horrific sleepless nights (I know my brother and sister in law were!), to me, CIO/CC is just not an option. The idea of purposefully leaving Isabelle to scream so she learns to settle herself just seems cruel to me. To me, CIO/CC does not teach her that I am still there somewhere even though she can't see me...it teaches her that when she cries, I will not come to her. It leaves her alone, upset and probably scared, until she realises I am not coming to soothe her and so she may as well not bother crying anymore.

Source

Now, I am NOT saying that CIO/CC is in anyway child abuse, please don't get me wrong on this next point, but whenever I read about it I can't help but remember the NSPCC advert which went something like "Tom doesn't cry anymore. He learnt that nobody will come when he does."And that just breaks my heart. Because to me, that's exactly what CIO/CC would do. Teach Isabelle that even if she cries, her mummy will not come back for her.

There are a lot of parenting labels out there, with natural parenting and attachment parenting amongst them. I don't think anyone is totally one thing, but I like to think I incorporate elements of NP and AP into my parenting style. It pains me to hear Isabelle truly cry, even for a minute, and the only times I have walked away from her crying are when I know Simon is there to step in instead. I cannot leave her to cry uncomforted, it just is not in me. I want her to know that if she cries, I am there for her. If not 100% of the time, as that just isn't always possible, then at least 95% of the time. I want her to be reassured that when she needs me, I will respond. People tell me I will spoil her, but I disagree. I am not giving her things she doesn't need. In my mind, a baby needs comfort from their mummy, and that is exactly what she gets - comfort from me when she needs it. Of course, my being there doesn't always stop her crying (God knows this week it hasn't!) BUT I am there, and she can rely on me (even if I am at wits' end and cursing her).

So, for me, CIO/CC totally go against this principle, and is not something I am happy to do. Yes, I may get a full night's sleep - something which was just an hour or two away last week, and this week couldn't be further from my grasp - but I am not willing to put Isabelle through 7 nights of hell just so I can get more sleep. To me, I signed up for this parenting gig, and a lack of sleep is part of that.

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I know that CIO/CC is something many families do, and it has worked. And they are happy, their child is certainly not scarred for life, nor does their child sit silently in the corner thinking their parent won't respond to their cries. I know that, as this is a controversial topic, many people will see this post as an attack on their parenting which is not what I mean it to be. I've said before that each family must do what is right for them, and I've also said before that Isabelle is a pretty good sleeper which no doubt skews my view on this issue. But, for me, CIO/CC is not an option for my family. Isabelle will not be a baby or toddler forever. I will not need to feed her to sleep each night, nor feed her once, twice, or four times during each night forever, so I am not willing to take part in CIO/CC to hurry along her natural progress.

And trust me...you haven't heard her cry. It is something pretty flippin' special when she gets going. My neighbours would have a petition against us doing CIO before the first hour was up!!

What about you? Have you used CIO/CC and it's worked wonders? Or are you thinking or trying it in the near future and think I'm a bit self-righteous?! Let me know in the comments below...

My parenting fails

I like to think Simon and I were pretty prepared for Isabelle's arrival. Not only did we have all the physical "stuff" we needed, but we both knew a little of what was involved in looking after a newborn from looking after my nephew and, in my case, years spent looking after littles in various circumstances. I've changed them, bathed them, fed them, played with them, soothed them, put them to sleep, cleaned up their explosions - all the every day bits and bobs. We knew how a baby can turn your life upside down and inside out, and we were so excited to have that! Nonetheless, along the way, I have had a few parenting fails. From the little things to the things which go against everything you have read, and one massive no-no, here are my parenting fails so far:

Knowing what "that" cry means:
Ok, Isabelle has the tired cry (that's the one with her eyes half shut) and the animalistic pain cry (even a deaf person would know that) and then...there are all the others. I applaud mommas who know whether "that" cry means hungry/needs changed/over stimulated/under stimulated...because I haven't a clue. Luckily, boob solves all in Isabelle's world, so no matter what the cause, I have the magic answer!

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Thinking I can do loads while she naps:
I had this amazing image in my mind before Isabelle arrived. It was the two of us in our back living room, sun streaming in through the french windows. She was asleep in her Moses basket, I was reading a book while she napped for a few hours - feeling smug about how easy it all was no doubt. The number of times that has happened? Zero. Firstly, Izzy never took to her Moses basket. Secondly, she is a short nap lover, no more than 40 minutes 4 times a day. Thirdly, for at least two of those naps we are usually out and they happen in the car/pram/someone else's house which is not the time for me to be reading. And lastly, when she is napping, I use the time to clean the house. None of that is in any way horrific, it's just not quite what I imagined. To be honest, I'm just glad that she naps well!


Don't drop the baby!!:
Technically, I tripped and fell. We both went down, I got hit pretty hard. Luckily I used my super momma powers to avoid getting her hurt. Must get out of bed more carefully when holding the baby!

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Thinking "once we get into a schedule we are sorted":
Simon and I never wanted to force a schedule on our baby, but we were keen for them to help us set their own, and Isabelle did very early on. For example, she likes to get up in the morning and play on her playmat, then she has her breakfast and goes back to sleep. In the evening it's in reverse; she likes to have a nap, playmat then bed. She set that for us, and that's fine. What I didn't realise is that just when you think she has set the time...she changes it all again! Last week she wanted to have her final nap at 6.30-7pm and go to bed around 8.30-9pm. Today, back to going to bed at 8pm. She likes to keep us on our toes...

Momma knows best:
Sometimes, I really do. Sometimes, I would literally beg someone to get them to tell me what exactly I need to do. Many times I have asked Simon "What do I do?!" only for him to reply "How should I know?!" We've always figured it out, and not always knowing what to do is definitely part and parcel of being a first time parent.

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Try to remember their date of birth:
My biggest FAIL to date. When the man in the airport asked for her DoB I confidently replied "4th of the 10th 2013." There was a beat, and he asked again. I repeated...a little less sure. Simon stood bemused as I then realised that that date hadn't even happened yet and I meant 10th of the 4th. Forgetting your daughter's date of birth? Epic fail.

I am 100% sure my list will continue to grow to include more outrageous things as Isabelle grows. However, I'm not sure I'll ever get past that DoB fiasco! Any parenting fails of your own to share?