Making allowances for baby, or unrealistic expectations?

During our recent acquaintance with the 9 month sleep regression, we were very careful that when Isabelle was asleep in the evenings, we were nice and quiet to ensure she wasn't woken. We were much more careful than normal, closing the living room door, and generally treading nice and quietly as we moved around the house.


Simon said to me as we climbed in to bed, victorious in her silence, "I never thought we'd be the sort of parents who creep around the house so we don't wake the baby".

In part, I agree with him. We can't change our whole lifestyle just because Isabelle is asleep. We can't sit in silence all night,  not flush the toilet, tell people never to phone or knock the door, and never turn the hall light on. Those things are part of everyday life and, luckily, she has never had an issue sleeping through them as they are simply things that have to be dealt with.

But, then I thought a little more. If Simon were to go to bed early, I would make allowances for him. I would turn the TV down, and move quietly in the bedroom when I went up to bed. I wouldn't turn on a light that would wake him, or talk loudly nearby. So, does Isabelle not deserve the same respect? Why should we expect her to sleep through things we wouldn't? Just because she's a baby and we think she should?

Then, that made me think even more - you can see my mind is a dangerous business! Do we have unrealistic expectations of what a baby should do? So, should we make some allowances for them because our expectations are skewed? For example, I do not go to bed and sleep all night without waking- I never have done. So why would I expect Isabelle to do that? Sometimes during the night I wake up thirsty and need a drink - so why wouldn't Isabelle? There are some days I am grumpy for no real reason...so why do I think Isabelle should be in a good mood unless she's hungry/tired? Can't she just be in a bad mood for no reason?

Maybe we have unrealistic expectations of our little people. Maybe we expect them to be the perfect baby, but are we the perfect adult? So, maybe we should be making some allowances where our little people are concerned - remembering that they are only human, and although are only little, they deserve all the respect we show to one another as adults.

PS - Izzy's beautiful name sign was made by Handmade by Her - a lovely mummy with bucket loads of talent, and two gorgeous babies to boot!

PPS- don't forget to enter my competition to win a baby carrier! 

Cloth nappies 101: Are cloth nappies for me?

Something I hear, and see online a lot, is "I don't really think cloth nappies are for me". A lot of people are interested in why I use cloth, so I thought I'd have a few blog posts centred round cloth nappies, my reasons for using them, and how we get on.

I'm no expert in cloth nappies, but since Isabelle arrived I've learnt a lot, and I've spent far too much time researching cloth as well. That, combined with the expertise of the lovely ladies from Cloth Nappy Library NI, has given me a good base of knowledge to share with people who are wondering if cloth might be for them, or are just curious to know what drives a seemingly sane person to want to wash poo in her washing machine! At the end of the day, I really don't think cloth nappies are for everyone, and everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with, and what makes their life easiest.

Really, I got into cloth nappies just by reading about other mums using them online. I didn't know anyone in real life who used them, apart from the older generation, so I was pretty surprised to see just how many mums were using cloth nappies. It made me think "huh, maybe this isn't so hard, maybe it is something we could do." I read dozens of posts where people asked questions about using cloth, and saw the 'cloth bum mums' saying it really wasn't that difficult at all, and as long as you can stick washing in the machine, you can probably use cloth nappies!

Whenever I'm talking to people looking to try out cloth nappies, I always say "Give it a go. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know you tried" and that was definitely my mantra going in. We felt a lot of negativity towards our choice to use cloth nappies, simply because most people know nothing about how modern cloth works. But, knowing the benefits, we were very certain that we would make it work, as we felt the benefits to our family were pretty big.

Here are the 3 main benefits of using cloth nappies:

1// Cheaper in the long run:
A lot of people are daunted by the initial outlay for cloth nappies, but if you work out how much you spend on disposables over the lifetime of a baby, and then times that by how many babies you plan on having, it will almost certainly work out cheaper to buy a stash of cloth nappies. Our cloth nappy stash probably cost somewhere between £200 and £250 - and that could have been a lot less in honesty. A quick look on Amazon tells me Pampers cost 15p each. Isabelle wears 6 nappies a day, costing. That £250 I've spent on cloth would keep me in disposable nappies for 249 days - less than a year! And I can use my nappies for any babies we have in the future, making it even more cost friendly! Yes, of course we then have to pay for the washing, but I know the cost of the 3 extra washes I do each week will never add up to the extra cost I would put out for disposables.

2// Better for the environment:
Those 6 nappies I use each day would have to be thrown out if I used disposables. And since Isabelle's favourite thing to do is poo in a clean nappy, often a nappy is taken off again in under an hour. All of those go into a landfill, where they just sit. Not decomposing at all. Did you know - gross fact - all the disposable nappies you ever wore are still sitting in a landfill, in 'perfect' condition? Pretty horrific to think about! Since the UK government is making reduction of landfill waste a priority, this is one thing I can do to help.

3// Better for her bum:
No chemicals around Isabelle's bum, just pure fluff. I don't wear plastic pants, so I don't expect her to either! Depending on the stats you read, cloth bum babies are around 7% less likely to get nappy rash, which is apparently partly to do with cloth nappies being more breathable. Some people say they must be warm, but cloth nappies are actually cooler on a baby's bum - think about how much warmer you are wearing a cheap plastic rain coat than a breathable one.

Those are the most important reasons for us using cloth - we think they outweigh the drawbacks in our situation. Because, it would be a lie to say there are no drawbacks to using cloth nappies - but I think they are pretty small really...




1// I have to change Isabelle more often than if she wore disposables. I change every 2-3 hours, but I know if she wore disposables I could leave her much longer. It's not a big deal though - mummies change so many nappies anyway what's a few more in the mix?!

2// Cloth bums are definitely more 'rounded' than disposable bums, and there have been a few incidences when  her trousers have been difficult to get on. However, I have to say that if that's the case it's usually because I'm trying to cram her into ones which are slightly too small anyway! Her bum is chunkier, so I size up in vests earlier than I may need to - but since I would eventually buy them anyway, it's not a big issue for me.

3// I have to wash them. I know that's obvious, but it has to be said anyway! I really don't find it too much hassle to throw them into the machine every other day, and then hang them to dry, but I know it is something that puts a lot of people off. I've got my little routine so I do one load of washing every day, and it just so happens that every other day that wash is nappies instead of clothes.

So there you go. Those are the reasons why I chose cloth, and maybe some things for you to think about as well. It's never to late to change to using cloth nappies - as even using one cloth nappy every day will save 365 nappies from landfill every year (a favourite saying of CNLNI's founder!).

Over the next few weeks I'll be posting about cloth nappy options, how to go about building a stash of nappies, and the big question....what about the washing?

Do you use cloth? Any pearls of wisdom you'd like to pass on to convince non-cloth users that they really could give it a go?

Babywearing - what's on offer?

Ever since we had Isabelle and delved into the world of babywearing, I've noticed other people wearing their babies pretty much everywhere I look! I previously posted about the Boba 3G carrier we got before Isabelle was born, and the dos and don'ts of baby wearing 'safely'.

I think when a lot of people are thinking of babywearing they look to high street retailers for answers. However, as I discussed in my previous posts, the common high street carriers don't keep your baby in an optimum position, and quite often aren't very comfy for parent or baby. I'm part of several babywearing groups on Facebook and one of the most common things I see from new posters is "I have had a high street carrier but it's so uncomfy to use for long periods - is there anything else I can try?" Unfortunately, many parents who want to babywear may not know about other options available to them. That said, ANY babywearing is a bonus for babies and parents!

So this is my quick guide to what else might be on offer for you if you want to regularly babywear, and are looking for something more ergonomic, and something comfier, than a high street carrier. Thank you so much to the wonderful babywearing mummies and daddies of Northern Ireland who let me use their pictures to show off the different types of carriers!



1// Soft structured carriers (aka SSCs or 'buckles'):
The Boba 3G we used is an example. These are very similar to 'normal' high street carriers in that they have straps, buckles and a structured waist and area against baby's back. They are good for getting on pretty quickly, and can be adjusted to be used with different people. Buckles are normally used on the front or back, but some can be used for hip carries too.
(Keep your eye out for the chance to win a beautiful SSC in the next few weeks!)





2// Ring slings:
These are quite common, and can be used for carrying your little from birth until toddlerhood. They are especially great for quick trips - I use mine if Isabelle and I are just nipping into the supermarket for one or two things, for example. They are easy to adjust, but it can take a while to get to grips with exactly how to position it for maximum comfort. They are usually used on the hip, but can be used on the front and back too.

3// Woven wraps:
Katie Hopkins takes a pretty dim view of these! These are a long piece of woven fabric which you wrap around yourself and baby in different ways to create different carries. They have a learning curve, and can be confusing to start with, but they are really supportive and a great option to carry any size of little person. They have the added bonus of coming in a massive range of colours, designs and sizes, as well as different price ranges.








4// Stretchies:
These are very similar to wraps, but are made of stretchier fabric, and are most suitable for carrying tiny babies up to about 6 months. They can be pre-tied and you can pop your newborn in and out when needed. Many mummies start with stretchies and then move on when their little one gets too heavy. (Check out me wearing Isaac last week - lovely baby cuddles!)

5// Mei Tais:
In my mind, these are a hybrid between an SSC and a wrap. They have a structured panel similar to an SSC, but long straps which you wrap and tie around you instead of buckles. They are easier to get to grips with than wraps, and I find our mei tai is really easy to use on my back with Isabelle.





If you are really interested in babywearing, try and get along to your local sling meet to try out a few options before you buy. In Northern Ireland, Sling Library NI are a wonderful bunch of very knowledgable ladies who want to share the babywearing love. There are sling meets all around the country, and Facebook is a great place to find your local meet.

There you have it - babywearing wrapped up in a nutshell. I'll leave you with some more pictures of babywearing goodness! Including some bear/doll/dog-wearing by some of the little people!

To Cry It Out or not to Cry It Out?

A friend brought this article to my attention last night on Facebook, with a warning that it was rubbish advice and new mums should avoid it like the plague. I was intrigued, as the little blurb said something about training your baby, and I always find the idea of 'training' a baby an interesting one, since it seems to be THEM training us, and letting us mistakenly believe it's the other way round!

At first, I read through points 1 and 2, and started to think that maybe my friend and I had very different views on things. Start a regular routine - well we let Isabelle do that and we followed it. Be consistent (check), keep night and day separate (check) and find out what soothes your baby (check). So I was a bit worried she was at home thinking parents like Simon and I are awful. Then I read the next points.

Source

At it's heart, this is an article encouraging people to let their baby cry it out (CIO), or to use controlled crying (CC) to 'train' their baby to sleep, with the end goal of the parents getting a good night's sleep. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure what the difference between CIO and CC is, even after a quick Google, but they both seem to rely on roughly the same idea. Please feel free to correct me in the comments if I have the wrong end of the stick. You put your baby to bed awake, and let them cry, BUT you continue to go in at set intervals to ensure your baby is OK, and reassure them that you still exist. Gradually, the time between visits increases, and your baby realises that you are still there, and learns to self soothe. Not only that, but they learn to sleep through the night (STTN), or at the least, resettle themselves should they wake. The article linked above states that after 3-4 months, a baby is physically capable of making it through the night without food and, indeed, I know many babies who STTN much earlier than that.

So, while I understand the premise of CIO/CC, and I know some parents are at their wits end with horrific sleepless nights (I know my brother and sister in law were!), to me, CIO/CC is just not an option. The idea of purposefully leaving Isabelle to scream so she learns to settle herself just seems cruel to me. To me, CIO/CC does not teach her that I am still there somewhere even though she can't see me...it teaches her that when she cries, I will not come to her. It leaves her alone, upset and probably scared, until she realises I am not coming to soothe her and so she may as well not bother crying anymore.

Source

Now, I am NOT saying that CIO/CC is in anyway child abuse, please don't get me wrong on this next point, but whenever I read about it I can't help but remember the NSPCC advert which went something like "Tom doesn't cry anymore. He learnt that nobody will come when he does."And that just breaks my heart. Because to me, that's exactly what CIO/CC would do. Teach Isabelle that even if she cries, her mummy will not come back for her.

There are a lot of parenting labels out there, with natural parenting and attachment parenting amongst them. I don't think anyone is totally one thing, but I like to think I incorporate elements of NP and AP into my parenting style. It pains me to hear Isabelle truly cry, even for a minute, and the only times I have walked away from her crying are when I know Simon is there to step in instead. I cannot leave her to cry uncomforted, it just is not in me. I want her to know that if she cries, I am there for her. If not 100% of the time, as that just isn't always possible, then at least 95% of the time. I want her to be reassured that when she needs me, I will respond. People tell me I will spoil her, but I disagree. I am not giving her things she doesn't need. In my mind, a baby needs comfort from their mummy, and that is exactly what she gets - comfort from me when she needs it. Of course, my being there doesn't always stop her crying (God knows this week it hasn't!) BUT I am there, and she can rely on me (even if I am at wits' end and cursing her).

So, for me, CIO/CC totally go against this principle, and is not something I am happy to do. Yes, I may get a full night's sleep - something which was just an hour or two away last week, and this week couldn't be further from my grasp - but I am not willing to put Isabelle through 7 nights of hell just so I can get more sleep. To me, I signed up for this parenting gig, and a lack of sleep is part of that.

Source

I know that CIO/CC is something many families do, and it has worked. And they are happy, their child is certainly not scarred for life, nor does their child sit silently in the corner thinking their parent won't respond to their cries. I know that, as this is a controversial topic, many people will see this post as an attack on their parenting which is not what I mean it to be. I've said before that each family must do what is right for them, and I've also said before that Isabelle is a pretty good sleeper which no doubt skews my view on this issue. But, for me, CIO/CC is not an option for my family. Isabelle will not be a baby or toddler forever. I will not need to feed her to sleep each night, nor feed her once, twice, or four times during each night forever, so I am not willing to take part in CIO/CC to hurry along her natural progress.

And trust me...you haven't heard her cry. It is something pretty flippin' special when she gets going. My neighbours would have a petition against us doing CIO before the first hour was up!!

What about you? Have you used CIO/CC and it's worked wonders? Or are you thinking or trying it in the near future and think I'm a bit self-righteous?! Let me know in the comments below...

A day in the life of a cloth bum mum

After reading a similar post from Sian over at Jumbled Purple, I decided to give you an insight into a day in the life of being a cloth bum mum, in the hope that people will see it's not quite so horrific and difficult as many people believe!

8am

When Isabelle wakes up I take her night nappy off and let her bum have some air while she kicks around, firstly in our bed, then on her playmat. I get her washed and dressed for the day and put on her first day nappy - a Little Lamb bamboo fitted nappy with a Tots Bots wrap.

9.30am

While Isabelle naps, I run around doing a million things, including putting the nappy wash on. I do this every other day, always in the morning. It's as easy as a normal wash - I lift the mesh out of the nappy bucket and stick it into the washing machine. I put on a rinse to start off with then, when that's done, a long 30/40/60 degree wash with an extra rinse. I use EcoSprout washing powder which is specifically designed to be cloth safe. The wash takes around 2 hours.

10am

After Isabelle has been up for a while I change her into a bumGenius Freetime - an all in one nappy. This is brand new, first outing today! I throw the Little Lamb into the new mesh liner in the bucket, and give the wrap a wipe as it's totally clean and dry and can be used again later.

12.45pm

We're having a quiet day today, so after we've taken the dogs out and Isabelle has another nap, I change her again. The Freetime comes off as one and into the nappy bucket. This time she is changed into a 'cheapie' nappy from Tiny Nippers.

1pm

The wash has been sitting waiting for me to get round to putting it out. Although you can chuck it in the tumble drier, I hate using ours for any washing. Instead, I use two Ikea sock driers to hang all my boosters, inserts, liners and wipes, and a normal clothes horse for the rest of the load. I take down the last nappy wash, and replace it with the new one. Luckily, today was dry so I got to put everything outside. If it's raining, it all goes into the garage instead.

3pm

Another nappy change, and another cheapie nappy. More nappy free time for her ladyship.

5.15pm

The last day nappy of the day goes on - a Little Lamb OSFA pocket with a microfibre insert. These aren't the prettiest, but they do a great job. (No picture of this as she was having a mini meltdown at the time!)

8pm

Isabelle is getting dressed for bed, and her night nappy goes on. This is a (old style) Tots Bots Bamboozle size 1, with a size 2 Little Lamb booster for extra absorbency. I am using the same Tots Bots wrap from this morning as it just got one outing, and I put a One Life cotton booster between the nappy and wrap for even more absorbency. This will last Izzy until she gets up tomorrow morning (roughly 12 hours), saving her lazy momma from changing her bum during the night!

9pm

When Isabelle is sound asleep I get round to sorting the dry nappies I took down earlier. It takes 10 minutes to sort the liners, boosters, inserts and wipes from one another, then stuff the pocket nappies and put the everything away nicely, ready for another day. Most of the wash from this morning is dry too as it's been out all day, so they are brought in and put away, or left in the garage over night to dry completely.

 

So there you have it, pretty much the same as every other mum's day - except instead of throwing the nappies out, I spend 20-30 minutes every other day getting them washed, dried and put away. Not a huge amount of trouble at all and, to me, so worth it to get that gorgeous 'fluffy bum', and help reduce my landfill contributions and carbon footprint. 

Reviews Day Tuesday: Tiny Nippers Pocket Nappies

There are a lot of different reusable nappies out there and, if you look on a "big" retailers site, you will find a great selection of the large brand names. However, there is also a huge market for what are known as 'eBay cheapies'. There are lots of different brands of cheapies - Alvas, Sunbaby, Yellow Bloom - and you can buy them on eBay, or from various websites. At some point during pregnancy I stumbled upon the Tiny Nippers website. They are a UK retailer of Alva pocket nappies, and all the 'cheapies' I have bought have been from them. (They also have a selection of other baby products which I like to dabble in!) 

Alva Baby Pockets from Tiny Nippers

Details:

A birth to potty, pocket nappy in snaps. They come with 1 microfibre insert, and the inner is a stay dry layer. The outer is either PUL or minkee

Fit:

These are advertised as fitting from 10lbs, as with many BTP nappies. I started using them on Isabelle when she was roughly 10/11lbs, using them snapped down on the smallest setting. They fit her perfectly around the legs on this setting, and there is a leg snap on each side to adjust them even more, so they fit her perfectly round her chunky thighs. The waist snaps cross over, so I can see it fitting a skinny baby, and at almost 15lbs, we use it on one of the smallest settings, again fitting perfectly. I can see these fitting her for a long time to come.

Containment:

I haven't had any issues with containment of solids or wee. No leaks at all, and they have withstood some good testing on the solids front! Unlike some of my other pocket nappies, they have very good elastic around the waist, which I think helps a lot with containment.

Washing:

As with all pockets, the insert has to be removed before washing, even partially, which I don't enjoy. Once out, they are simple to throw into the bucket, and wash really easily at any temperature. There haven't been any issues with staining yet. These dry really quickly - the outers dry over night in the garage and the inserts maybe take 24hrs in the garage, or just a few hours out on the line.

Ease of use:

I find these nappies really easy to use, and Simon said this week they are some of his favourites. They have a pretty 'traditional' snap system so, once you are happy with the setting you are using at that moment in time, they are a breeze to put on and take off. They are also really easy to stuff as the pocket is a great size.

Appearance and quality:

Appearance wise, these are my favourite nappies! They come in such an amazing range of colours and prints that it's almost impossible to choose your favourite! The elephant one Izzy is wearing below is my current love. I really don't think anyone could find fault with the appearance of these. Quality wise, I see no difference between them and many of my other pocket nappies which were more expensive. The inners are soft, the inserts are soft and a good size, and the outers are wonderfully soft PUL or minkee. As mentioned above, the elastic is nice and strong.

Cost:

Apart from their adorable look, this is the best bit about these nappies. Tiny Nippers sell them for £4.39 or £4.59 depending on the nappy. That means you could buy a whole set of 24 for less than £150! You can also choose not to buy the insert - if you have plenty - and this lowers the price by 80p.

Bug bears:

My only question about these nappies is how long they will last in comparison to more expensive nappies. For example, the elastic is great now, but it may slacken more quickly than other brands with repeated use. I also know that, in the future, I will need to boost them as the 1 insert will not be enough as Isabelle grows. 

Overall:

I have to give these nappies 5/5! I know a lot of people don't rate them, but I am totally in love with them. They are so lovely to look at, and seem to be great quality - so much so that I am slowly selling off more expensive nappies and replacing them with these! Even if they only last for Isabelle and no future babies, they are so cheap that it wouldn't take much to replace them. As I mentioned, I know I will need to boost them in the future, but I own plenty of boosters already, and even if I didn't, because the nappies are so cheap even buying a full set of boosters, or more inserts, would STILL make them cheaper than many big brand cloth nappies. If you are unsure about cloth, buying one or two of these would be a great way to start out without breaking the bank!

** Unsure where to start with cloth nappies? Check out my Cloth Bum for Beginners page. In Northern Ireland? Check out the Cloth Nappy Library Northern Ireland **

Reviews Day Tuesday: Little Lamb Bamboo

Happy Tuesday to all! Today's Reviews Day Tuesday is focusing on the Little Lamb Bamboo nappy - described on their website as "The world's best selling reusable nappy". These nappies were top of my list to buy when we were starting our cloth stash, and they have served us wonderfully well since Isabelle arrived.

Little Lamb Bamboo

Details:

A sized, fitted nappy made of bamboo, which fastens with applix. Each nappy comes with a booster and a fleece liner. This nappy requires a wrap.

Size 1: 7-20lbs

Size 2: 20-38lbs

Size 3: 35lbs+

Fit:

These nappies were the first ones we used on Izzy, when she was 12 days old and roughly 8.5lbs. They fit perfectly on her, although because they are a fitted nappy they are quite bulky. They would have fit her from birth easily, as we didn't have to use the 'cross over tab' function which would make the nappy perfect for a teeny newborn. However, despite the fact that the size 1 should fit up to 20lbs, I find these nappies very low in the rise, so am not convinced they will get us that far. 

Containment:

Unbelievable. They can contain almost anything and, trust me, they have been tested to the max by Isabelle! Each nappy comes with a size 1 bamboo booster, and I always include these in the nappy, making them extremely absorbent. We have never had any issue at all with leaks from these, and if I know I won't be able to change her for a while, Isabelle is always put into one of these nappies.

Washing:

Very easy to wash as I just take them off and throw them into the nappy bucket - the booster and liner fall away from the nappy in the machine. These nappies take the longest time to dry out of everything I have, but that's expected from a fitted, and it's only marginally longer than other fitted nappies I own.

Ease of use:

As they are a fitted nappy, and I use a booster, I have to assemble the nappy with a booster and liner. It doesn't take long, but it can be a bit of a faff in a hurry, when it inevitably seems to take forever. Size 2 nappies have the booster sewn in, which would make then wonderfully easy to use. They also need a wrap so this takes an extra few seconds to put on. However, every member of my family can use these, and Simon finds them very simple and quick to change.

Appearance and quality:

Not the most attractive nappy in my stash, but I do think they look adorable when they are on, as they look like a 'proper' fluffy bum. However, once the wrap is one you can't see it which is a shame. The quality is superb - the fabric is soft and the whole nappy has a very high quality feel to it. 

Cost:

I bought mine from the Little Lamb website, and the cost of the nappies really depends on how many you want to buy. One nappy is £9, or 3 for £24.30, 10 for £72. I 'like' Little Lamb on Facebook, and they often give details of sales on their page. Through this, I got my nappies in a sale for £4 each which is an amazing bargain. Even at £9 they are cheaper than their competitor, so I think they are a great deal no matter how many you buy. I've used mine (I got 10) every single day for 3 months, so they have been well worth it!

Bug bears:

I mentioned above about the low rise of these nappies - this is my only issue with them, as it really makes me unsure how long we will be able to use these.

Overall:

These nappies get a 5/5 from me! They are simply great at their job, and I think they are a really reasonable price as well. Yes, they aren't the cutest, and as Isabelle grows I find myself reaching for nappies with prints for when we are out, but I always find myself using these in the house, as they are truly a great nappy - no wonder they are the world's best seller!

Have you used LL Bamboo nappies? How did you find them?

Should parents have to apologise?

I recently came across this article from the Daily Mail last year, about a family on a flight in America. To make sure that their fellow travellers were placated at the thought of flying with 14 week old twin babies, the parents handed out a little goody bag to each passenger, leaving them on their seat. The bags contained different sweets and a little note explaining that the twins were very young, this was their first flight, and apologising in advance if they got scared and started to cry. 

A very sweet (pardon the pun) idea from the parents, and I have to say I think it's a really cute thing, and very Pinterest worthy. But...should parents have to apologise for babies acting like babies?

Unfortunately, Simon's family live in England, which means that the future for Isabelle will include lots of flights. We took her first trip over when she was 8 weeks, and we were both scared about how she would react, and act, on the plane, especially since she is an exceptionally loud crier! Luckily, she was marvellous and there wasn't a peep out of her.

However, like in the article above, I could see the fear on other passengars' faces when they realised that this little baby would be trapped in a metal tube with them for an hour. Especially since she gave them an especially good vocal display as we waited to board, I did feel like standing up on the plane and announcing "She's only small! Sorry about any noise!"

But why do parents feel like we should apologise for our baby's behaviour? Why did the parents of the twins in that article feel like they had to go to such lengths to make everyone around them happy, just in case their babies cried?

I'm sure many people have been on a flight, bus, train or similar with a baby that just won't stop crying. I'm also sure that many people have cursed the noise and wished they could have some peace and quiet. But, if the baby is as small as 14 weeks, are people really blaming the parents for not being 'in control' of their child's behaviour? Would people truly be upset and annoyed at parents for not being able to stop such a small baby from crying? Or, would most people understand?

I think it's a parent thing. I know that babies crying on planes in the past has never bothered me, usually it's easily tuned out. But, for a parent, the cry CAN'T be tuned out, and I know from experience that - when other people are around - it is so easy to feel flustered and pressured if your little one is upset, sure that the other people are judging you for being unable to properly care for your baby. I also know from experience when I have apologised to anyone they always have said "She's only tiny! That's what babies do!" or "I didn't even hear her..."

So, it makes me wonder if we, as parents, are apologising unnecessarily. Maybe other people really aren't as annoyed as we think by our child's incessant screeches. Maybe they don't even notice. Maybe I'm projecting my feelings on to them, without a real reason. And at the end of the day, if somebody IS annoyed at the cries of a baby, surely that says more about them than anyone else?

That said, when we fly out to England again in a few weeks, I know I'll still have that fear in my stomach as we board the plane that she might scream the whole way. I certainly won't be packing sweets for the entire plane...although I may need some for myself!

What do you think? Should parents have to apologise for their baby's crying? Or are we all just so paranoid about what other people think that we are projecting our own feelings on to them?

Reviews Day Tuesday: Tots Bots FlexiWrap

I thought since I am a big cloth advocate that I should start reviewing some of the bits of cloth I use to hopefully convince a few more people that using cloth is easy, fun and cute, and let people know what works for me and what doesn't. Since Miss Isabelle is wearing a Flexi Wrap by Tots Bots this morning, I thought I'd start there!

Tots Bots Flexi Wrap:

Details:
A sized PUL wrap with applix fastenings
Size 0: birth-12lbs
Size 1: 10-20lbs
Size 2: 20-35lbs

Fit:
To be honest my first impressions of this wrap were not good. It seemed like the elastic was not as thick and tight as on my other wraps, and wouldn't give a good, tight, close fit on Isabelle. It also seemed huge compared to other size 1 wraps, so I wasn't convinced at all. But that was very wrong! Yes, the elastic is not as tight, but it still gives a great fit and doesn't leave horrible red marks around her legs like some other brands. The applix fastening at the waist makes it so easy to get a great waist fit, and the legs follow suit.
The wrap IS bigger than many others (my other size 1 wraps starts at 7/8lb which is why they are smaller) but I find that much more useful. I'm not constantly worrying if the whole nappy is covered like I do with other wraps. I also find it great to use at night because it is a bigger fit.

Containment:
As I wasn't convinced about the fit at first, I was sure these would be horrible at containing anything which managed to escape her nappy. Again - wrong! We have never had anything escape this wrap. It seems to be pretty much bombproof!

Washing:
So easy to wash with the nappies and very quick to dry on my airer.

Ease of use:
I'm yet to encounter anyone who can't put this wrap on - even Isabelle's somewhat "nappy challenged" aunt has no issue with this!

Appearance and quality:
As you can see from the picture below, we have the Jubilee print, and we also have a story print - 3 Little Pigs. The wraps come in the same colours and prints as the Easyfit nappies, and I think there is a great range and they are just adorable! This Jubilee print is my favourite of any we own, and I know it's Simon's favourite too.
The quality is perfect - the PUL is so, so soft, and it all looks and feels great. The PUL also seems thinner than on other wraps, so it's very trim.

Cost:
Block colours are £8.99 on the Tots Bots website, and I bought our prints from Funky Monkey Pants for £10.75. This might SOUND expensive, especially since you still need a nappy to go underneath, but it's comparable with other brands, and since I use them every day/other day, it's definitely worth it!

Bug bears:
The only thing I don't like about these wraps is that there are no laundry tabs for the applix fastenings. These wraps ALWAYS seem to be the culprit of any nappy chains coming out of the washing machine! A very little thing, but since there is one in every load, it's annoying. I would also like to see double gussets on these. As I said, we haven't had any containment issues, but double gussets just give me peace of mind, and are a personal preference.

Overall:
Overall, I give these wraps a 4/5. They are great at everything they do, and so gorgeous to look at, with only the laundry tab issue holding them back from a 5. I started with one before Isabelle was born, and like them so much I bought another that I really didn't need! Since they are so great at nighttime, I know I'll be buying them in the next size up and using them for a long while yet.

If you've used the Flexi Wrap, how did you find it?

No 'do overs' allowed

While I was feeding Isabelle before bed last night I had a thought - if I could go back to the beginning of her life and do things over, what would I do differently? What situations could I have handled differently, and what would I have done instead? Is there anything that I've done which I don't think was the right thing, any decisions I regret? In what ways could I have just been BETTER?

Here's what I came up with:

* I would listen to my instincts in every situation, stop questioning my choices and believe that old cliche...mama really does know best. I think as a first time mum there are so many people trying to "help" by giving advice and telling you how you should be doing things that it's easy to second guess everything you do. While they are really only trying to help, I know now that I know my baby best of all!

* I would start using our cloth nappies much earlier. We started on day 12, after her cord stump fell off and we used the last disposable. I would start from the day we got home.

* I wouldn't limit how much we hold Isabelle. This is my biggest regret. In the early days I was so worried about "spoiling" her and getting her used to being held that I limited my own cuddle time and made Simon limit his. Isabelle has never been unhappy being on her own, and sometimes actively seeks this independent time, but I was always so afraid that I would end up making her reliant on being in our arms to fall asleep or settle herself, that I put her down much more often than I wanted too. I wish I had believed that there is NO SUCH THING as spoiling a newborn baby. 

* I would recognise that Simon has his own way of doing things and that, just because he doesn't do them the same way that I do, he isn't wrong. In other words, I'd give him a break!

* I'd attempt to stop fretting so much about everything. No doubt that's actually impossible for a new mother, but I'd try anyway!

So, really, a change in my thinking rather than changing anything I've done - and that change would be to make me even more baby led than I already am, and let my natural instincts rule. That said, overall, I'm pretty damn proud of how I have parented Isabelle over the last 3 months, and am proud of Simon for how he has taken on his role as a daddy, and how he has supported me. 

That's not to say I've been the 'perfect mother'. I'm sure my family and friends have many things they think I should have done differently - such as making Isabelle take a bottle, or not using boobs to solve all her bad moods - but I can't please everyone, so instead I'll concentrate on pleasing myself and Isabelle. And Simon as well, if he's lucky!

Is there anything you wish you'd done differently as a parent?

School of babywearing..

Since my post on baby wearing using my Boba 3G, several people have enquired about my third reason for choosing the Boba which was:

"3. It needed to keep our baby in the correct 'froggy' and M position, and should not offer the option of facing outwards"

I've been asked what this means, and why it's important enough to influence my choice of a carrier, so I thought I would share some of the important "rules" of baby wearing, and how to safely wear your baby.

As I mentioned before, I'm pretty new to baby wearing, but everything I've read stresses these points as important. That's not to say that if you use a high street carrier every once in a while that its anything awful, or that if your baby faces forward occasionally their hips will fall to pieces! At the end of the day ANY baby wearing is better than none! But if you plan to baby wear more than occasionally, it's important to know how to do so safely, and what you should look out for in a carrier.

The T.I.C.K.S. Rules: 

These tell you how things should look once your baby is in the carrier.

T- tight. Your sling, wrap or carrier should hold your baby tightly against your chest or back. This will be most comfortable for you both, and won't allow baby to slump down. There shouldn't be a gap between you and your baby's chest at any time.

I - in view at all times. You need to be able to see your baby without having to move any fabric, especially in a sling. You should be able to see your baby's face just by glancing down.

C - close enough to kiss. You should be able to tilt your head down and kiss your baby. This means your baby is being carried high enough. I love testing this out by kissing Izzy all over, and even nibbling her ears at times!

K - keep the chin off the chest. If the baby's chin is on their chest, their airway can be restricted. You should be ale to fit a finger under baby's chin, and their nose should be parallel to the floor to ensure they can breathe easily. 

S - supported back. Your baby's back needs to be well supported to stop the, slumping, which can restrict their airway and is bad for their back. This ties in with keeping them tight. If your baby is tightly against your chest or back (no big gap, their chest should be touching yours at all times in an upright carry) you should be able to push their back, and they shouldn't move forward.

Baby's leg position

I wrote in my last post that I wanted a carrier to keep my baby in a froggy, M leg position. I should have also said that I wanted it to carry them knee to knee. All of this is to ensure that the baby is kept in a favourable hip position. Traditional high street carriers support baby under their crotch (leading to the derogatory term "crotch danglers" by many baby wearing aficionados), and allow their legs to dangle down freely. This means their hips are left in a position which can contribute to hip dysplasia. However, carriers such as the Boba, Ergo and many other brands (including slings, wraps and stretchies) support the baby from the crook of one knee, under the bum, and to the crook of the other knee. This actually holds their knees slightly higher than their bottom, in an M shape. This position is much better for babies hips, holding them in a more natural position.

Similarly, many carriers/wraps will advise carrying baby with their "legs in" in a froggy position while they are newborn. There is some controversy over this at the minute, but the premise is the same - keeping their knees higher than their legs in a babies natural hip position. (Try it out with a newborn - hold them against your chest and they will almost certainly curl their knees up towards their chest). The Boba 3G instructions advised legs in, so I followed this advice, making sure Izzy was always in a froggy, M position. The picture below gives a good idea of how a baby's legs should look in a correct carry (however this baby wouldn't be close enough to kiss!)

Never facing out

The two points outlined above link into why it's not a great idea to face your baby outwards. Firstly, if they face outwards, they aren't being held tightly to your body, as their natural instinct is to curl up forwards and therefore away from your body. This isn't great for your back, as it throws their weight forward, and puts more strain on your back.
Secondly, if you wear baby facing outwards, it's unlikely that their legs will be supported knee to knee.

If you are planning on baby wearing frequently, look for a wrap, sling or carrier which will allow you to carry baby closely, and supported in the M position from knee to knee. Again, any baby wearing is better than none, so if you do wear your little one in a high street carrier (and let's face it, they are so readily available that many people do!) or forward facing occasionally I won't be calling social services anytime soon!

If you're interested in baby wearing on a more regular basis, check out some of the links below to brands of carriers, and to information on the benefits of babywearing and how to babywear safely.
Ergo Baby
Monkey Mei Tai
Rose and Rebellion
Moby Wrap

Baby Hawk

Wrap Your Baby
School of Babywearing
Babywearing UK

Things we love and how to choose your cloth

Check out the newest things we love and things we don't Here and my brief guide on how I chose my cloth stash Here.

Baby wearing with the Boba 3G

Another one of the 'crunchy' parenting ways we have is baby wearing. According to Wikipedia "Babywearing is the practise of wearing or carrying a baby in a sling or in another form of carrier." 

I have to admit, it was Simon who pioneered the way in our house with baby wearing, insisting he wanted a "pousse" in which to carry the baby. I wasn't that interested at first but, as I began to research baby wearing and different slings and carriers, I was quickly won over. I learnt a lot about the benefits of baby wearing (see here, here and here) and some of the "dos and don'ts" of baby wearing. I also learnt that apart from the "normal" high street carriers you see, such as the well known Baby Bjorn, there are wraps, slings, Mei Tais, stretchies...the list seems almost endless. And let's not even get started on brands!

A few things were important to me when choosing carrier for our baby
1. It had to be suitable from birth until toddlerhood. I don't know how long we'll use it, but just in case
2. It needed to fit both myself and Simon (we aren't hugely dissimilar in height and build luckily)
3. It needed to keep our baby in the correct 'froggy' and M position, and should not offer the option of facing outwards (read why here)

All of this research led me to know that I wanted a soft structured carrier (SSC), and further research led me to the Boba Carrier 3G. This met all the requirements I had set and, unlike similar carriers, can be used from birth without an additional insert. I bought mine from a reputable, Boba certified, retailer on Amazon for £90. I was able to register my carrier with Boba, to give me peace of mind.

When our Boba arrived I was impressed from the outset. Along with the carrier body, we got a hood which can be used to pop over little one when they fall asleep - or to help them get there - and protect them from the sun. Also included were foot straps, which aren't something I had seen with other brands I looked into. The instructions it came with were easy to understand, and explained the different ways to carry a baby from (almost) birth using the newborn setting, the 'regular' front carry, and the back carry. There are numerous little touches which show the Boba 3G is well planned and a lot of thought has gone into how it will be used. Everything from a strap for handbags, to a pocket for your phone, and adjustable straps for easy nursing (something I am yet to master!). It also comes in a variety of colours and prints, and I now really wish I'd gone for one of these instead of the plainer black!

The Boba is very quick and easy for me to put on. I fasten the waist belt firstly - which I have adjusted to my setting, and then hold Isabelle on my front, before slipping the shoulder straps up and clipping the 'chest strap' behind my back and tightening it. I always give Izzy a quick wiggle to make sure she it in evenly, and off we go! With practise, I am getting much quicker at putting it on and tightening up the straps, with the only issue being my long hair getting caught in the chest strap when I try to tighten it!

We have carried Isabelle in two different ways so far, both using the Boba on the newborn setting i.e. with the bottom of the carrier 'poppered' up to create a smaller, snugger pouch. At first, and following the instructions from Boba, we carried her 'legs in'. Once she reached 10.5lbs, we changed to carrying her legs out.

Newborn setting, with legs tucked in - suitable to 10.5lbs

Isabelle always seems comfy in the carrier, and falls asleep immediately. For myself, the first few times I used it I found the Boba hurt my back, but I think now it was more to do with how I was walking (very stiff!) than the carrier itself, and now it's as comfy as anything! The straps are all very well padded, and I don't feel any weight from Isabelle, as strange as that may sound. I also don't feel the carrier ever pulling on any part of my back, waist or shoulders.

There are a few things which I don't love so much about the Boba. Firstly, when I carry Izzy 'legs out' in the newborn setting, the poppers refuse to stay popped. As soon as her legs are in the correct position, the poppers are out and if I try to get them in, it obviously makes Izzy uncomfy and she groans or even cries. The second thing I'm not convinced about is the sizing. According to Boba, the carrier fits adults from 5ft to 6ft 3. I am 5ft 8in, and have all the straps on their tightest settings. I can't see how this would then work for someone 8inches smaller than I am. And lastly, the elastic band straps which are supposed to help keep the straps neat just don't seem to work. Once I roll up the straps, I find the bands very difficult to access and use, so my straps just dangle down. That could just be a 'me problem' though!

Overall, I absolutely love the Boba 3G. I was very smug at a local cloth nappy meet when asked what carrier I have and when I answered the Boba, another mum told me how jealous she was. So I give it extra points for being so coveted and cool!  If you're looking for an SSC to last from birth until baby is much bigger, I would definitely recommend the Boba 3G carrier.

No pictures of me using the carrier, but here is one of Isabelle and Simon at a local agricultural show when she was just five weeks old. We felt so smug as we watched people (including my dad with our nephew!) struggle to push their prams through the shingle!