Friday, July 19, 2013

Should parents have to apologise?

I recently came across this article from the Daily Mail last year, about a family on a flight in America. To make sure that their fellow travellers were placated at the thought of flying with 14 week old twin babies, the parents handed out a little goody bag to each passenger, leaving them on their seat. The bags contained different sweets and a little note explaining that the twins were very young, this was their first flight, and apologising in advance if they got scared and started to cry. 


A very sweet (pardon the pun) idea from the parents, and I have to say I think it's a really cute thing, and very Pinterest worthy. But...should parents have to apologise for babies acting like babies?

Unfortunately, Simon's family live in England, which means that the future for Isabelle will include lots of flights. We took her first trip over when she was 8 weeks, and we were both scared about how she would react, and act, on the plane, especially since she is an exceptionally loud crier! Luckily, she was marvellous and there wasn't a peep out of her.

However, like in the article above, I could see the fear on other passengars' faces when they realised that this little baby would be trapped in a metal tube with them for an hour. Especially since she gave them an especially good vocal display as we waited to board, I did feel like standing up on the plane and announcing "She's only small! Sorry about any noise!"

But why do parents feel like we should apologise for our baby's behaviour? Why did the parents of the twins in that article feel like they had to go to such lengths to make everyone around them happy, just in case their babies cried?

I'm sure many people have been on a flight, bus, train or similar with a baby that just won't stop crying. I'm also sure that many people have cursed the noise and wished they could have some peace and quiet. But, if the baby is as small as 14 weeks, are people really blaming the parents for not being 'in control' of their child's behaviour? Would people truly be upset and annoyed at parents for not being able to stop such a small baby from crying? Or, would most people understand?

I think it's a parent thing. I know that babies crying on planes in the past has never bothered me, usually it's easily tuned out. But, for a parent, the cry CAN'T be tuned out, and I know from experience that - when other people are around - it is so easy to feel flustered and pressured if your little one is upset, sure that the other people are judging you for being unable to properly care for your baby. I also know from experience when I have apologised to anyone they always have said "She's only tiny! That's what babies do!" or "I didn't even hear her..."

So, it makes me wonder if we, as parents, are apologising unnecessarily. Maybe other people really aren't as annoyed as we think by our child's incessant screeches. Maybe they don't even notice. Maybe I'm projecting my feelings on to them, without a real reason. And at the end of the day, if somebody IS annoyed at the cries of a baby, surely that says more about them than anyone else?

That said, when we fly out to England again in a few weeks, I know I'll still have that fear in my stomach as we board the plane that she might scream the whole way. I certainly won't be packing sweets for the entire plane...although I may need some for myself!

What do you think? Should parents have to apologise for their baby's crying? Or are we all just so paranoid about what other people think that we are projecting our own feelings on to them?

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