That was the title of an article my dad cut out of the paper for myself and my sister-in-law. "Oh my gosh, what is this new fad?" I wondered. What horrors are crazy new age parents getting up to that is KILLING babies?
This is the article I received...an article about co-sleeping.
It starts with the story of a woman who awoke one night to find her son missing - he had wriggled down under the duvet, where he was sleeping between his parents. The woman felt so guilty that he could have been smothered, she stopped breastfeeding and moved her son to his own room right away.
Then, it goes on to give some information about how statistically, babies who co-sleep (with the phrase co-sleeping incorrectly used in this article to describe bed-sharing - when a baby sleeps in the same bed as their parents) are more likely to die of SIDS, and how breastfeeding is to blame for this.
The article in question describes how babies who bed-share are 5 times more likely to die of SIDS, and that 88% of SIDS deaths that occurred in babies who bed-share would not have happened had the child been sleeping alone. As Simon pointed out, since there is no real evidence as to what causes SIDS - just many theories - how can these stats be in anyway accurate? Who can say what WOULD have happened, without an exact replication of events for testing?
So, what is causing the rise in bed-sharing? According to the Daily Mail the culprit is...breastfeeding! According to the article:
"pressure on women to breastfeed has led to a huge rise in co-sleeping, with 80% of mothers succumbing to it. Because breastmilk is easier to digest than formula, babies grow hungrier faster and need to be fed more often than their bottle-fed peers. Many mothers feel the only way they can get any sleep at all is to keep their child by their side." The woman whose story starts the article says her son ate so often (every 2 hours) that she never would have gotten any sleep if she hadn't bed-shared.
That is based on truth: breastfed babies DO need fed more often (and two hours is totally normal - this woman obviously received poor support from her health care professionals), and it is more easily digested. But the implication that, because of this, breastfeeding mothers are so sleep deprived they are forced into bed-sharing is pretty ridiculous. I speak to new mommas every week at baby groups and not once has anyone said to me "Gosh I'm so exhausted I have no choice but to bed-share".
There is also blame laid at the feet of Heidi Klum and Angelina Jolie - two women who practice the "trendy" attachment parenting, which promotes feeding on demand and never letting a baby out of your sight. This is a totally inaccurate view of attachment parenting. It is widely accepted in the UK now that feeding on demand - breast or bottle - is how a baby should be fed. After all, if you are hungry, you eat. So why shouldn't your baby, whose stomach is as tiny as their fist? Attachment parenting is NOT the same as never letting your child out of your sight, it's about parenting in a way which nutures bonds between parents and children, and challenges parents to treat their children with kindness, respect and dignity - something I think we would all like to think we do [
API]. Poor Heidi and Angelina, being blamed for all of this!
Luckily, the second half of the article provides the counter-argument, which I was relived to get to when reading. Firstly, the title of this article is ridiculous: bed-sharing is not a "new parenting fad" - it has been happening for thousands of years. In fact, NOT bed-sharing is a very new, very western world phenomenon - bed-sharing is still practised across the majority of the world. It's also pointed out that statistics show that Japan has a very high rate of bed-sharing, and has the lowest SIDS rate in the world, debunking any real link between the two.
It is also highlighted that if you do your research and bed-share SAFELY, mum and baby can both be perfectly happy and healthy, and it's actually
safer for a breastfed baby to bed-share than a bottle fed baby. This is due to heightened maternal awareness of the position of a breastfed baby over a bottle fed baby.
So, how CAN you safely bed-share? Here are some key points:
* Babies should NEVER be placed between parents, they should be on the outside of the mother
* There should be something stopping a baby from rolling off a bed - but there should be no risk of a baby becoming trapped between the bed and that object
* NEVER bed-share if you have been drinking alcohol or taking drugs, or if you are over-tired
Babies should not be close to the duvet or pillows on a bed
Following those rules, no disrespect intended, the lady whose story starts the article was NOT practising safe bed-sharing, and therefore a potential incident was only too likely to occur - just like if you don't drive your car safely, you increase your risk of an accident.
My opinion:
I think you will be unsurprised to know I was totally disgusted reading the article. It is full of sweeping statements, assumptions and poorly researched and referenced facts - and this is coming from someone who doesn't even bed-share! Simon and I made the decision long before Isabelle arrived that bed-sharing wasn't for us. We do, however, co-sleep (which means we share a room with Isabelle, and as I mentioned, is a statement used incorrectly in this article), but while we knew we wanted to keep her close by, we also knew of too many people who bed-shared and it became a problem for their relationship. That said, every morning from 5.30/6am (no earlier) if Isabelle wakes, I will bring her into bed beside me until 7am when Simon gets up and we wake up too. I don't sleep during this time, I feed her and doze next to her, just allowing myself a few extra minutes relaxing in bed so I don't have to get up at any ungodly hour. She sleeps soundly, with her crib pulled up tight against the bed (where it somehow fits perfectly) to stop her rolling out in case I do fall asleep.
So, personally, bed-sharing isn't for us, while co-sleeping is. It's definitely a controversial topic, but it isn't something which is generally recommended by midwives here, simply because all too often people put their babies in unsafe bed-sharing situations. However, safely done, bed-sharing can be a wonderful experience for a whole family.
As always, each family knows what is best for them; go with your gut do what is best for your own family. And, remember, whatever you do - never, EVER believe the Daily Mail's shock headlines.
So what do you think? Is bed-sharing for you? Is it safe? Or is it likely to "kill your baby" like the DM say?
